Are you Empathic? (Part 3)

ARE YOU EMPATHIC? (A Three-Part Series)

 

Part Three

5 Practical Ways to Boost your Empathy

 

(Read part 1 here)

(Read part 2 here) 

 

In the previous articles we looked at common signs of empathic behaviour, and how it is a fundamental principle of Jewish thought and practice. We noted that in order to be empathic one must expand his identification of self to others. In this article we will focus on some practical tools to help increase ones capacity for empathy.

In order to achieve this, we have to understand the way our brains work. Breakthroughs in neuroscience have allowed us to see inside the human brain and better understand the way our minds work. While in the past, science believed that the brain’s wiring was fixed, discoveries in the last decade have shown that the brain can break free of old tendencies and change with training. Neuroplasticity is the ability to rewire our neural circuitry, allowing us to alter the way we behave as well as the way we interact with one another. Since our brain’s neural circuitry is now understood to be malleable and can be rewired through neuroplasticity, one's tendency for empathy is never fixed. We all need to practice putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes to reinforce the neural networks that allow us to “Love your fellow as yourself” and to embody “That which is hateful to you, do not do to others”. In other words, we can retrain the brain to learn new habits, and shed old ones.

 

5 Practical Ways to Boost your Empathy[i]

1.    An Empathy Meditation[ii]

a. Think of someone you care about. Once you have a picture of them in your mind’s eye, tell yourself “This person has had moments of happiness, just like me. They have had difficult moments, just like me. They seek love and attention, just like me. They have had to deal with many difficult things in life, just like me. They seek meaning and fulfilment in their relationships, just like me.”

b. Now repeat this same process with someone you don’t know very well, an acquaintance, or someone you met at the store, or in a different circle of friends.

c.  Now repeat this with someone you have had a conflict with.

 

2.    Love Yourself

a. In order to love your neighbour as yourself, one has to love themselves first. Learning to love oneself is not as easy as it may sound, and certainly deserves an essay in its own right, but it must be listed here as a prerequisite to loving others. How can you love another as yourself, if you don’t first love yourself?

b. Is the command really to love another as much as one loves themselves? This is the assertion of Maimonides. Even those who disagree[iii], and suggest it is not truly possible to love another like oneself, assert that one is to show love to others by wanting good things to happen to them. That is an empathic disposition.

 

3.    Active Listening

a.  Empathy requires that we cultivate the trait of active listening. Most people are thinking how they are going to respond while the other person is still speaking. Active listening means being totally focused on what the other person is saying.

b. Do not interrupt – even if you really want to! This is one of the characteristic traits of the wise man, as per the Mishna (Avot 5:7).

 

4.       Validate

a. In order to empathise with someone, you must make them feel validated.

b. Use phrases that are compassionate, non-judgemental, and show that you understand their perspective. “That makes sense” or “Of course you feel that way” serves to validate another’s feelings.

c. Be a mirror. Paraphrase what they say, or their concerns, to show them you understand what they are saying or feeling.

 

5.    Volunteer

a. Getting involved in a cause can help a person to understand the plight of someone else. It reinforces the empathic wiring of the brain while making a contribution to reduce the suffering of someone less fortunate.

 

These are five suggested ways to boost one’s empathy, but in truth there are many more. There is a new school of thought emerging that man is not simply wired for self-interest and utilitarianism alone, but that built into the very biology[iv] of humankind is sociability, attachment, and selflessness – all close relatives of empathy.

Imagine if every single person in the world thought long and hard before speaking or acting towards another, to ensure they would not cause harm or offense. Imagine if we all thought of our obligations to others before demanding our rights. Imagine if we all saw others as an extension of ourselves. Imagine what the world would look like. You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you will join us, and the world will live as one.